The PATH Train - Technology surpassed only by the horse and buggy

This is the second day in a row that the PATH train has been screwed up because of some signal malfunction or another. Really, I'm so beyond irate over the shambles this train is in. Yesterday evening as I was leaving work, my co-worker, bless her soul, warned me that PATH had a power outage. Forewarned, I decided to hazard the homeless shelter they call the Port Authority Bus Terminal on Manhattan maps.  

I left work at around 0100 hrs to arrive at PABT around 0130. I had only taken the 99s once in my life and discovered that it wasn't coming until 0600. I was pretty sure I could probably walk home from midtown faster than that. Outside, Habibi was soliciting hires and quoted me his "reasonable price" of 80$ including toll. When I demurred he asked me, "Well, how much will you pay?" (Watch for next week's blog about "Cabdriver sluts: Will hire for any fare") I was saved when PATH tweeted us that it was back up and running with minimal delays. A shame their switches don't function as well as their Twitter account. Anyhow, everything was back on track around 0500 and I made it home in an impressively fast 5 hours and 30 minutes.


Today, just as we got to Grove Street (one station away from home, sweet home) the conductor announced that we were going express back to Manhattan (WTC) and turn around again and come back to NJ because of signal malfunction. Seriously? We have to go back to Manhattan to get to Jersey? The only impressive part of the trip was discovering the rattletrap could travel over 25mph. I've never seen it haul @$$ like that before. Now, if only it were as quick during rush hour!

Why I despise walking Midtown -- let me count the ways...

I have lived in Gotham nigh on 5 years now and, oddly enough, have never learned to enjoy walking Midtown. I will go out of my way to walk up 6th or 8th Avenues just to avoid the congestion of B'way or 5th. This irritation has just increased after the advent of my having to carry one of those ridiculous wheeled briefcases since nursing school obliges us to tote 39 lbs. of books to and fro. 

Tonight I was fed up! I wanted to scream at almost every passer-by (known colloquially as 'tourists') to learn to walk in NYC or go home! This extended to other peeves: drive-piling the subway car door and walking up the stairs on the wrong side.  I am of the mind to petition travel guides to include my Welcome to New York City letter which will highlight some important points about how to conduct your lollygagging here:

1.) It's called a side-WALK not a side-STOP! Please, get out of the way or we will run over you. Seriously, nothing pisses off a native more than this numb skull manoeuvre. If you have to stop and check your map, please step curbside and get out of the way.

2.) Would you change lanes in your car without checking if the coast was clear? Well, it's a good idea to peek over you shoulder before you dart right and left like a pinball. Another great way to get your block knocked off...

3.) We live in the US not the UK. That means you walk on the right side of the sidewalk. Same applies to stairs: up the right, down the left!

4.) You're a tourist who actually stopped at the crosswalk and are waiting for the signal. That's great! If you don't know how to dodge traffic you are just walking offal. However, stay there until the light actually changes. I can't keep track of how many tourists wait at red signals and then start walking when the oncoming car is almost on top of them. Plain stupid in any country...

5.) Drive piling the subway car door...MAJOR peeve. Do you know how much time is wasted when you don't just let the inside passengers get off first? Seriously, believe me when I tell you it's better to let them vacate before you start boarding. OTB Asian people love to do this, I think it's cultural. But this is not Hong Kong; knock it off!!

Don't interpret this vitriol as hatred, tourist friends. I really like you tourist people! Your money stimulates our economy and, overall, you're quite friendly (mostly because you need us since you're perpetually lost). But please, do us all the favor to obey these simple rules. Your cooperation is much appreciated!